Once again, Conan Gray has proved that his mind can continue to conjure up new and yet staunchly relatable ways to tug on our heart strings. His latest single ‘Holidays’ demonstrates that perfectly. This moody and melancholic ballad, complete with a deep and seductive piano melody, captures all of the bittersweet qualities that come with growing up and growing apart. Though the song is rather short, spanning just over three and a half minutes, the singer imbues the song with a multitude of feelings and imagery.

The song begins by establishing a sense of ageing and dissatisfaction with adulthood. The ‘Maniac’ singer describes how he is ‘so sick of taking orders from everyone’, most likely describing the experience of working full-time in the demanding and often chaotic music industry. Likewise, the picturesque description of the ‘House […] like a hoarders, […] Photo strips of you and me / Felt so old at only 17’ provokes the image of a plethora of memories and nostalgic reflections on old memories. This final line in particular mourns the swiftness of youth which seems to have vanished all too quickly, with only small remnants to show for it. 

This point is honed in the song’s chorus, in which Gray admits ‘All my youth I never knew that life would ever change’, specifying the emotional loss and conflicted feelings about growing up. The song’s title emphasises this premise, referring to returning home for the holidays and reuniting with old friends and acquaintances. 

This song is incredibly melancholy, expressing heartache at how both the singer and their old friends have grown apart, being so busy and distant that they ‘barely talk’ but always manage to catch up around the holidays. This idea particularly is bittersweet, holding within it all the nostalgia and reminiscence of youth as the chorus continues that ‘years have passed, but [their friends] laugh exactly the same’. There is an undertone of comfort and happiness in this line, giving the sense that though these moments are few and far between, it is reassuring to know that the things we love will always be there.

Despite this, Gray still manages to shake listeners with the bleak and relatable lyrics of his songs. The singer looks back on these memories, and looks forward to these moments back at home with great fondness and love, yet still recalls the pain that comes alongside them. He sings ‘What I’d give to once again be naive’, mourning the innocence and carelessness of youth, in which he never imagined growing up and apart from those he is closest t0. This idealistic perspective is put in sharp contrast with the realism that adulthood is inevitable, and that it comes with its own set of challenges and priorities. 

This mixture of happy familiarity and dreadful realism perfectly aligns with Conan Gray’s other, equally heartbreaking ballads. There is something comforting in these songs that, though being gut-wrenching, is very relatable for young listeners of his music, who can probably relate to this experience of growing up, moving away and becoming distant with childhood friends. 

Somehow, even through tears, Gray’s music manages to echo the feelings and concerns within all of us, and offer a small, but nonetheless significant, comfort in the understanding and gentle style of his music. Though ballads such as these always seem to leave me feeling a little bit heartbroken, it is also incredibly refreshing and heartwarming to have such universal experiences – ones rarely discussed in the singer’s genre of music – brought into such beautiful songs.

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