The internet and social media place a strong burden on all couples, from those new to relationships to those who have been in the same one for years. We are now living in an age where we do not necessarily look to movies for the expectations we have for our relationships, but instead turn to the unavoidable and never-ending scrolling through TikTok and Instagram. 

As well as the expectations we hold, the way we meet people is changing – dating apps encourage superficiality rather than meaningful connection due to the focus on appearance over personality.  This all leads to the question – do the internet and social media have a positive or negative impact on our perception of love and relationships? 

Dating Apps : Although it has been announced that more people will meet their partner online than offline by 2035 if current trends continue, studies have also shown that couples who meet on dating apps are 6 times more likely to get divorced within the first three years of marriage than those who meet organically. I believe that dating apps encourage a certain type of culture – they privilege the beautiful, the athletically fit and the photogenic. With dating apps, your pictures are everything. A split second decision is made that can change everything – you may meet the love of your life, or accidentally swipe left on someone you may have formed an amazing connection with if you had taken the chance to get to know them. In this regard, the internet does not necessarily ruin our perception of love, but can stunt the growth of a relationship before it has even begun.

TikTok : TikTok causes an unavoidable spiral down a certain path – TikToks about relationship expectations lead to a rabbit hole of more and more and more. While I do believe TikTok can encourage a sense of self-worth, making people realise what they truly deserve in a relationship, there is a fine line between this and what I think could be considered a mild form of indoctrination. There seems to be an idea that if a certain relationship expectation becomes trendy, people feel the need to jump on the bandwagon in order to ensure they have a ‘healthy’ relationship when in reality they are being told what they want. TikTok trends can also be harmful to relationships – they are used for purposes of engagement and entertainment, often misleading viewers and creating expectations that are unreasonable, for example, relationship tests. ‘Red flags’ and ‘the ick’ are also phrases that have become popular on TikTok, once again having both positive and negative impacts – on the one hand they appear to offer ways to identify factors that can lead to unhealthy relationships. However, an adverse effect of this is when it is taken too far as people can pick up on small, seemingly insignificant factors that lead to the premature ending of a relationship.

Instagram: Consumerism and social media come hand in hand when it comes to the discussion of the impact of the internet on love and relationships. When we see something on someone else’s instagram page, we want it as well, whether this be flowers, holidays or dates. We are constantly surrounded by what others are receiving, causing us to often feel like there is something missing. This, however, is not necessarily the case. We are wired to only post the good on Instragram – the peak points in our life, our greatest achievements, only when we are looking our best. This creates a toxic culture that makes people believe their relationships are not good enough, when in reality, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. 

I think social media sets false expectations based on people who only post when things are going well, causing those that follow them to sometimes feel inadequate. Thinking less cynically, however, social media can be a form of expressing affection towards your partner. Studies have shown that 48% of 18- to 29-year-old social media users say social media is important for them in showing how much they care about their partner. In an age of developing technology, social media has become a significant part in not only creating expectations, but also expressing love. 

While the damaging effects of social media on our perception of love and relationships often dominates the narrative, we are often quick to jump to the assumption that the internet is the cause of the problem, rather than just highlighting a problem that was already there. The internet and social media can perpetuate unrealistic expectations, but I believe we can embrace these platforms as a tool to express affection, understand self-worth and have fun in a relationship!