New Book Release Review: Grief by Michael Cholbi

Before I picked up this book, when I thought of grief, I quite simply thought it was an emotional response to the loss of someone close. This I believe would be quite a rational way to understand this common experience. Never did I think grief would have an underlying function or that I should be grateful to experience it. Nor did I question that grief could instead occupy a whole host of emotions, or that grief could be an activity.

The discussion of grief is not one that occupies much space in the literature

Upon reflection, I never questioned these things because the discussion of grief is not one that occupies much space in the literature. Michael Cholbi initially questions the motives for this. To quote him more precisely, ‘Grief is an admittedly challenging topic… emotionally complex and seemingly idiosyncratic’(page 2). As he further elaborates ‘in order to understand grief, we must confront some of the more unsettling realities of human life.’

Whilst my familiarity with grief is limited, this is not to say I have no experience of grief at all. It was those experiences that were the subject of my thought whilst reading this book. The work of Cholbi in Grief: A philosophical Guide attempts to come to an understanding of the human experience of grief. He dedicates seven chapters to this exploration. Discussing topics like who we actually grieve for and questioning if we have a duty to engage in grief, using renowned philosopher, C.S Lewis, as a kind of case study. C.S.Lewis maps his experiences of grief in his book A Grief Observed which centres on the death of his wife, Joy Davidman.

A thoroughly enjoyable read, [but] I would be lying if I said this experience was completely easy

Cholbi himself articulates that the book is not to be therapeutic, but rather a philosophical inquiry. That being said, the ideas he contributes to the experiences of grief were surprisingly comforting. Whilst a thoroughly enjoyable read, I would be lying if I said this experience was completely easy. Although it required more attention and thought than the average book I tend to pick up, doing so paid off enormously.

Something I found particularly interesting was the discussion on the paradox of grief. The conflict when it comes to the uncomfortable feelings of grief we hope to avoid and the value that comes through this acquisition of self-knowledge. As someone who is currently studying philosophy, this seeming contradiction of thoughts raised quite a number of questions I held in mind throughout the remainder of this book. Such questions were directed towards the formulation of this paradox, namely the first statement. ‘Grief feels bad and so should be avoided or lamented.’(page 69) Whilst most would agree with the first half of this statement, the claim regarding the avoidance of grief is something to interrogate. Does the individual actively want to avoid experiences of grief?

Whether you are someone interested in the study of grief, philosophy more broadly or just looking for a good read. Micheal Cholbi’s newest book is definitely one to consider for your next read. I think we could all benefit from understanding the experience of grief a little more.