Eurovision 2021: A Slightly Cynical Rundown

Saturday 22nd May. The first weekend for months that we have been able to sit inside a pub, with our mates, and enjoy ourselves. And what were my housemates and I doing? Watching the Eurovision Song Contest.

You see, our social life was not the only thing making a comeback. After being cancelled last year because of COVID-19, Eurovision was finally given permission to return, operating as a trial event with social distancing in place. It was only fair we stayed in to enjoy the spectacle – after all, the pub was not going anywhere.

Let’s face it. Eurovision is not about the singing. It is a celebration of performance, and more than that, the outrageous and unexpected. Eurovision 2021 contained all of the above, and so much more.

Eurovision is a celebration of performance, and more than that, the outrageous and unexpected

The glow of a million sparkly, silver bodysuits – and a few chemically-whitened teeth – lit up the arena at eight pm, welcoming back the ever-enthusiastic audience with an ensemble number. An equally sparkly procession of glamorous female pop-stars kicked-off the run of the night, beginning with Cyprus and Albania. We were getting Lady Gaga vibes and a feel of Beyoncé, respectively.

Iceland’s absence, due to a case of COVID-19, was felt. You may have been aware of Daði & Gagnamagnið from their viral TikTok hit, ‘Think About Things,’ a song that haunted a lot of people’s lockdowns last year. However, their rehearsal video was enough of a performance for the viewer to enjoy. Serving Christmas-card realness with their matching jumpers, the band’s dancing was mesmerizing. Whilst it might have been unfair of them to have won considering they were not present, they were a top contender.

There was the odd punctuation of something broody. Belgium seemed to be having a bad time of it, with a track called ‘The Wrong Place.’ Portugal was a bit of a downer, although classy. The lead singer had a questionable sense of style, however, wearing a fedora that we did not adore.

Switzerland seemed quite sad, too. So much so, that they killed the vibe a little, with a sad song and a few too many high notes. That being said, Swiss singer-songwriter, Gjon’s Tears, very nearly won the competition, and I personally really enjoyed his shirt choice.

After the series of cheery pop and less-cheery angst, the appearance of a ukulele on Germany’s stage implied they were here to resurrect the mood

After the series of cheery pop and less-cheery angst, the appearance of a ukulele on Germany’s stage implied they were here to resurrect the mood. I suppose they did, in a way, because we certainly had a lot of fun laughing at Jendrik’s song, ‘I Don’t Feel Hate.’ But as I write this, while the performance really did feel like something that belonged on Cbeebies, perhaps the message of the song was not the worst thing. At least we know coming second-to-last would not have hit him too hard, with that optimistic attitude.

In a completely unexpected turn of the night, the stage erupted in fire, before the lyrics, ‘put your middle fingers up/take a shot’ began. Finnish band, Blind Channel, had arrived with their song ‘Dark Side.’ The heavy rock band added an edge to Eurovision 2021, one that was very soon counteracted by a rather heart-breaking song from Bulgaria.

The following acts were an amalgamation of all-things Eurovision. Lithuanian group, The Roop, provided a psychedelic performance, dressed head-to-toe in yellow. I loved it. Then came Ukraine with a strong yet powerful, intense but energetic number.

Despite being hosts, the Netherlands provided an amazing performance. Jeangu Macrooy sang ‘Birth of a New Age’ in both English and Sranan Tongo, a Creole language. It was powerful, the lyrics speaking to strength, and the staging was dazzling and colourful. Unfortunately, Macrooy did not get the recognition he deserved, not by a long shot, coming 23rd out of the 26 acts.

Unfortunately, Macrooy did not get the recognition he deserved, not by a long shot

And right when it all seemed nearly over, Italy arrived. Represented by rock-band Måneskin (which means ‘moonlight’ in Danish), the show had been stolen within maybe, 20 seconds. Sporting red leather trousers and huge amounts of eyeliner, the band performed ‘Zitti E Buoni’ (translated to ‘Shut Up and Behave’) as if it was their own show; lead singer, Damiano David, was throwing in knee-slides like nobody’s business. The chemistry between band members was almost as incredible as the music itself, and our whole living room was left in awe. It was the first time all night where we all agreed on loving a performance.

After watching 26 performances, it was time for the two-hour wait for the winner to be announced. As a person who is not a massive sports fan, I can only imagine that waiting for the results was like watching an intense match. It was excruciating.

Before the popular vote was added to the jury votes of each country, the competition was between France and Switzerland. Not that the vocals or even the quality of the songs were questionable, but in my opinion, they were just a bit dreary.

It would seem that the decision-makers of Europe do not really have a clue what the people want

But then came the public vote, and it would seem that the decision-makers of Europe do not really have a clue what the people want. Måneskin jumped from a low place to the top of the leaderboard as they gained 524 points and won Eurovision 2021. Clearly, we were not the only ones who loved the band.

This year, Eurovision seems to have been a lot more important to people than usual. It has gotten underneath our skin. Azerbaijan’s song, ‘Mata Hari’ is still being sung by my housemate on a daily basis. Måneskin have been added to our music libraries, and have flown into most European music charts. America have got a big case of FOMO and have decided to do their own Eurovision. We need not talk about the UK’s contribution to the competition.

If you think that you are better than Eurovision, I believe you may need to re-evaluate your priorities. There is nothing diminishing about watching petty international political manoeuvring disguised as a glamorous competition – you are simply missing out. Next year, make sure to carve out a Saturday evening to take it all in. I guarantee you will not regret it.