Whenever I say I do not want children, nine times out of ten the response is: ‘You’ll change your mind.’ Whilst I am happy to answer the ‘why,’ I should not have to justify my decision over and over again to anyone. This is my decision, and a judgmental response is not going to change it. I realise that I might change my mind, but it is just frustrating that this is the most common response by far. Honestly, if people want me to change my mind, telling me that I will is not the way to achieve it. I know that in the future it is only going to get worse. Women in their late twenties and early thirties are always asked, ‘when are you going to have kids?’ It is always a when and never an if. 

One response that annoys me more than anything is: ‘What if your husband wants kids? Would you change your mind for him?’ The short answer is no. I would not turn around and say I want kids just because a man wants me to. I would hope we would have the children conversation early on in the relationship so it would not become a problem. 

One in eight British people between the ages of 18 and 24, who are not already parents, claim they never want kids, so it is not as uncommon as people seem to believe.

I have not wanted kids for years now but have only felt brave enough to voice my thoughts since the age of sixteen. Before I would just nod and agree whenever my friends said they could not wait to have kids, and yet inside I knew I did not want them. My friends and family now know that I do not want children and I often get referred to as being the future ‘fun aunt’ which sounds much better to me.

Although I do not want kids, I have the utmost respect for mothers; it is definitely one of the harder roles in life. Not only is raising children difficult, but being pregnant and giving birth is very challenging, and not something I want to experience.

The main reason I do not want kids is because I do not think I have any ‘maternal instinct.’ My friends see a baby and say how cute it is, but I do not agree with them. They say they cannot wait to have kids and again I do not agree. At the end of the day, I just do not really like kids. That itself seems to offend people.

Another reason why I do not want children is that I want to focus on my career. Since an early age, there has been a clear path set out for me: primary school, secondary school, a Russell Group university, and then a successful career. I have worked very hard to get to the end goal of a successful career. Personally, I would not want to take time out of my job to have children as I would see it as taking away from my career.

I used to work in an afterschool homework club, and you could tell some of them craved more attention from their parents. They were in the homework club for hours after school, which in itself is not a problem, but it appeared that their parents paid little attention to them. Their parents were very focused on their careers and had little time for their children. I would also want to focus on my career as well and I do not think that would be fair to any children I had. In my opinion, your children should always come first. Either my children would not get enough attention from me or as awful as it sounds, I fear if I had children, I would grow to resent them as somehow ‘taking’ my former life from me. 

There is definitely a societal expectation for women to want and have kids. If men say they do not want kids, that is seen as a legitimate decision, but for women, it is seen as some sort of failure; having children is seen as the sole purpose of women. The double standard can clearly be seen with celebrities. For example, Jennifer Aniston has been questioned for decades about when she will have kids, yet Leonardo DiCaprio never seems to get questioned on this subject. I hope that in the future it becomes more acceptable for women to not want to have kids. 

We are surrounded on a daily basis with films, TV shows, and more with the ‘perfect’ and aspired for life for women: meet a man, get married, and have kids. Not only does this narrative not fit mine, but it is also damaging for many other women, some members of the LGBTQ+ community, those who do not believe in marriage, as well as those who struggle to have kids the ‘traditional’ way. Many women’s lives are not represented in popular culture which is of course why I and many women are hit with the tired and out-of-date response of ‘you’ll change your mind.’

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